The Nyab Series: Teen Wives
For a long time, we've wondered how other nyabs (daughter-in-laws) felt. If you are a girl, then most likely you grew up with expectations and were raised to be a wife. A huge part of our culture identity as women were to become great wives someday. So as young girls, you were learning the duties of a homemaker. When we dreamed up The Story Cloth Shop, we wanted to hear what other people had to say. We wanted to allow fellow brothers and sisters to speak up and share how they truly felt. This series was birthed out of the desire to know and better understand how nyabs feel across the board.
Every nyab's experience is different. Because we are all collectively different and unique people, responses will be different as well. We did not include names to keep the identities of these young and brave nyab's confidential. What matters most is that they were open to sharing their own experiences and we want to share them here for you to know (if you're a nyab), that you're not alone.
This week, we share with you interviews we did with 2 young nyabs (teen wives). Maybe your response is alot like theirs or maybe not.
If you're a nyab, what have your experiences been like? Please contact us if you want to be included in The Nyab Series. We'd love to hear different perspectives and experiences.
Photographs credit to Hive Mind
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Sometimes you are blaming the in-laws but the truth is… you must look at yourself! You have to be water, my friend! That’s how you gonna get along with the family.
I got married when I was 21 yrs old. (8yrs now). All I have to say is, being a nyab is THE HARDEST JOB ever. No matter how good you are or how bad you are, you will NEVER be able to meet their “standards”. If they DO NOT like you, they will NEVER like you no matter how pure and sincere you are towards them. I have not ONE but TWO mother-i -laws, and let me tell you, they have said and done some of the cruelest things ever. I often wonder, how could they say such things to another human? Especially if they have daughters whom are NYABS as well? Oh but let me say, like mothers like daughters. My sisters in laws are just as rude and careless as my mother in laws. I have finally realized that my husbands family is basically this: If you don’t have money, they don’t care and love you nor your children, but when you have a little money and they know of it, they treat and talk to you as if they’ve always loved you and as if you OWE them something. My sisters in laws(hbands sisters) bribe their parents all the time and that is why they love them and their children above all. Like I said several times to my hband, in all my years of life, I’ve never encounter/met a family so MONEY HUNGRY and SO DRAMATIC! If I could turn the hands of time, I’d never marry my husband, even if I love him a lot, his family is just way too much to handle!!!
Been married 11yrs now and when I first became a nyab, I tried really hard to be the “perfect” nyab to my in laws. My in laws are not those nice ones, yet they’re the ones like in movies that purposely mistreat their nyabs because I don’t have a dad anymore. Meanwhile my other sisters-in-law did. They felt like they can say or do anything to me and I’ll have nobody they to defend me but they were wrong. I didn’t need anyone to stand up for me but me. Years went past and I told myself that I am not here to serve my in laws but to build up a life with my husband and kids. After years of them mistreating me and now they are trying to amend their wrong doings to me but I no longer want to be the “PERFECT” nyab. So if I could go back and do it again, I’ll would never do it again. I’ll never want to be a NYAB again.
Being a nyab is very hard. Some girls nowadays may think that it’s all fun and game to get married but it really isn’t. Until you meet your in laws, you will realized who loved you the most, YOUR family. I got married when I was 16 and I am now 18. I never got along with my in laws, in fact they already didn’t like me to begin with. I was hopeless living with my in laws because my husband never protects me whenever his family are against me. I constantly lived in anger, loneliness, and hurt everyday for two years until I finally got a job and moved out. I thought that this was our way out of the toxic side but sadly it never worked out. He was too immature, not ready to be a man, husband, or father. We constantly fight and now my life fell apart in a blink of an eye. My advice is to always stand up for yourself. Don’t try to make a man love you, if he doesn’t love you, let him go. Don’t let nobody or anybody tell you what you have to be in order to be a good nyab or wife. There is no such thing as the best nyab. Because you can be the best nyab in the whole world, but others may not think that.
My husband and I had been together for over 10 years before we got married. I was 29 years old. We both worked and lived on our own and then eventually bought our own house shortly after.
I never lived with mother-in-law or father-in-law as my husband and I are both very independent. I think this is the reason why I love my in laws so much (haha). If we lived together, I’m sure it would be a different story. However, because I don’t know what it’s like, I can only say that we have a wonderful relationship. My in laws are the cutest and sweetest. Even when my mother-in-law lectures me, I don’t really see it as a negative thing. I just think she’s trying to help me. Of course, it is up to me to interpret it as good or bad, but if I see what she says or does as having a positive intention then I don’t ever feel hurt. Truth be told, my mom was a lot more critical of me, so I guess everything my mother-in-law says sounds like honey (hehe).
Plus, the truth is that if I am ever irritable (not because of them, but because of me), I can just go home. Waiting to get married was the best decision. Having your own home and being able to support yourself and help out your in laws when needed is satisfying and rewarding. Even if it’s not your in laws, you are bound to have conflicts with people you live with as you can’t always agree 100% of the time. Having just enough distance works well for everyone.
Some day, if my in laws need us to take care of them, we certainly will. We would be more than happy to have them live with us.