Nraug Laus 002
1. How old are you?
I'm 33 years old.
2. What is your current relationship status?
3. Are you trying to pursue a relationship?
Yes, but not as actively as I should be. There are several reasons for that, but mostly due to a lack of time on my part, and a limited amount of Hmong people where I reside.
I'm at a loss on where to find potential dates these days. The clubs and bars are mostly ladies who are just out to have a good night out with their friends and don't want to be bothered. And randomly messaging someone on Facebook seems to get you the cold shoulder and quick "creeper" label.
I find that most people these days are more open to meeting someone when they're introduced by a friend or family.
I would say that I'm definitely more courageous since my younger years. There's no longer that fear of rejection anymore. Over time, I just brush it off, and realize that I'm not her type and walk away.
In order to find more potential partners, I have considered moving to a more Hmong populated area before. But there are two things that doesn't allow for it: my career field and all of my family that's deeply rooted where I currently reside.
4. Do you date non-Hmong women?
I've dated primarily Hmong women.
I would consider dating outside. However, in the end, I would prefer someone who shares a mutual understanding of my background, culture and family beliefs. Having grown up in a traditional Hmong family, I'm sure it would be pretty hard for someone outside to understand.
Overall, what I look for in a partner is someone who is caring, respectful of me and my family and motivates me to be a better version of myself.
5. How many siblings do you have, and what is your birth order? Are they married or single? How does that affect the pressure on you to get married?
There are 6 of us, including myself. We have three boys and three girls in the family. Two of my sisters and one of my brothers are married. I'm the oldest of all six, so you can already guess my parent's constant pressure on me.
6. Are your parents divorced or together?
Yes, they are still married.
7. Have you had an opportunity for marriage?
I came close to asking a woman to marry me, but things took a turn for the worse in our relationship. We broke up, and I had some regrets at the beginning. Over time, I've accepted that we were not compatible and it was best that we went our separate ways.
I think about old girlfriends sometimes, and where they are living, how they are doing and if they've accomplished their goals.
I don't ponder on the what-if's and what-could've because it's already in the past.
8. What are your parents', siblings', and extended families' perspective on marriage for you?
Where I live, it is a very small Hmong community and very tight-knit. So I don't just get the parental lecture, I get reminded by the entire Hmong community.
My parents would remind me of my age and how I should not wait too late to start a family. They would also tell me that I would be seen as less significant in the community due to my single status.
And then there's the local community. It's gotten to a point where they don't even ask me how I am anymore. It's straight from "Hello" to "Are you married?!"
I understand where my parents are coming from. They only want the best for me, hence why they're always reminding me. But the part about being less significant just because I'm single upsets me at times.
Great interview. I can relate to everything! However, in contrast, I haven’t dated a Hmong guy since I was 19 years old. It’s not that I don’t like Hmong guys, it’s hard to find Hmong people in general where I live.
It is frustrating at times when you’re single and pressured to find someone to marry. I wish my parents would emphasize more on how proud they are of me in my career more than the fact that I’m not married yet.
Thanks for your stories! It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this.