Single Parent Series: Never Give Up On Your Children
This is our very first story of the Single Parent Series, and this story shows how children can provide so much strength in times of traumatic events such as a divorce. We hope this story can provide you with strength if you are going through something similar, and can provide you with understanding of what a single parent goes through.
"I was with my wife for 14 years, 14 years of the best life I ever had. I have 4 beautiful kids: oldest is my son (13 years old) and then my three princesses (10 years old, 8 years old, and 4 years old). I was raised with 8 sisters and, boy was I raised to learn how to love my ladies. That’s how I became a single parent.
I just turned 18 and she was 20. I got married because we were so crazy in “love”. We had our first child a year after our marriage. Of course like every young couple, we struggled as young parents and have gone through all of the bad and good together. We worked and went to school, not once having a baby sitter. We struggled and were each other’s back bone.
Fast forward, we had so many hopes and dreams together. Or so I thought. I landed a good job and so did she. We were able to finally settle down and enjoy life. We had planned traveling trips around the world and all of the things we were going to purchase. Life was so perfect. Thirteen years of my son’s life and not once he has ever seen us argue. I never believed in arguing in front of my kids or family. To be exact nobody has ever seen us argue before, even myself. The meaning is true when they say, “Nothing perfect last forever”.
I’m really good with my hands and troubleshooting problems, it’s what I do for a living. Fourteen years, I built and gave my wife whatever she wanted. I’ve always told her, “Every king has his queen and for that you shall receive anything you want or ask." I really made sure my wife lived like a queen. I stood behind my wife 110% even when I knew she was wrong (but I’ll share about her mistake later).
After 14 years, she came home from work one night and said, “I’m leaving you, I don’t want you or the kids.” I thought is was a joke. She left for two weeks and left me clueless. My babies would ask about their mother. I would sit there and tell them their mommy is at work.
After two long weeks of being clueless of what just happen, she came back, packed and loaded all of her belongings to a new place she found. We both sat down with the kids and broke the news to the kids. My kids and I cried because they just couldn’t understand why. My three oldest cried and ask their mom, “why mommy, our family was so perfect. You and daddy love each other so much.” Their mom couldn’t answer them and just said it’s her time to go. I cried for two week straight trying to figure out what I did wrong or where did it go wrong.
After she settle down at her new place, she finally told me. She left me because I was too perfect. Life was too perfect for her that she couldn’t live the perfect life. She was too tired of relying on me as a man and wanted her freedom of handling her own things. She wanted to be able to pay her own bills, fix her own car, and etc. She saw her future without us.
Three months after she left, I was left me questioning myself with no one to ask, why! So it goes back to what I said in the beginning. Growing up and being raised by 8 sisters ruined my marriage (lol jk). I was raised to love my women, always treat them like queens and never hurt or break their hearts. I loved my ex-wife 200% and didn’t leave any for myself.
My kids never leave my side and my princesses sleep with me on my bed ever night telling me, “daddy we are going to protect you like you protect us from bad guys and bad dreams”. I’ve tried to be the best father so my son can grow to be a good man and for my daughter to see how a man should really treat them. It’s hard and sad, but my best supporters are my babies. My three oldest one tells me everyday, “Daddy you are the best and we want you to be happy. It’s okay if you decide to move on. We understand that you need love too.” I love them to death.
After all these time. The truth came out and my ex-wife was cheating. It didn’t work out for her so now she wants the kids and is now asking for help with all of her financial needs. I did work a schedule with her to see the kids and now I’m focusing on me and my babies only."
1. How old are you?
I'm 32 years old.
2. How long have you been out of your relationship? Were you dating or married?
Going on 8 months, and was married through the Hmong tradition.
3. How long have you been a single parent?
Single parent for 8 months, but to be honest, I have always took care of my kids. My ex was always at work, at school, or asleep. Family time was a struggle for her.
4. How many kids do you have? How old are they? Does their age make it easier or harder?
I have 4 kids: one song who is 13 years old, and three daughters, 10 years, 8 years, and 4 years old. It's hard and easy with their ages. It's easy that my two older understands but it's also hard that they know too much. It's always harder for my four year old because she's always looking for her mother.
5. Do you live close to family? Does that help?
Yes, I love close to family. I actually just moved in with my parents due to my dad's stroke and they have financial needs. My sisters are super supportive.
6. Who helps you watch your kids if you're working?
They all go to school. I work early so I take a break to send them to school and then get off work in time to pick them up also.
7. What type of schedule do you have your kids so you don't go crazy?
We do chores, sports, fishing, shopping and all outdoor activities.
8. What are some things you would do if you did not have to worry about being a single parent?
I would love to purchase a house. I want to be able to travel as a family, and just enjoy all the holidays as one household.
9. What are some struggles you have gone through being a single parent?
Being a mom and dad at the same time. Having to explain to my daughters how to take care of themselves as a young lady. Comforting my babies even when they are mad at me.
10. Any tips you can offer to other single parents?
The struggle is real but at the end, everything will turn out. Stay focus on yourself. Stay positive and remove all negativity.
11. How do you feel about making a commitment to someone who does not have children? Why?
It depends on if they are willing to love you and your children. If it's meant to be, it will work.
12. Are you currently dating? What is it like to date as a single parent?
No, I'm not dating at the moment.
13. What did your family think when you became a single parent?
Everybody cried, and is still in disbelief. Everyone "feels like there is a death in the family."
14. What's the best part of being a single parent?
Being able to put my main focus on my kids alone. Showing them how important life is no matter the struggle.
15. What's the worst part of being a single parent?
Nobody knows your struggles. Being judged by others. Not being able to give the right advice to my daughters.
16. What do you want people to know and understand about what it's like to be a single parent?
You will have hard times, but never give up on your children. It's not their fault. Stay focused. God never gives you anything you can't handle. Realize your self-worth.
If you are a single parent and would like to share your story, please email us at kaolee @ thestoryclothshop.com or reach out to us on Facebook or Instagram.
- The Story Cloth Shop Team